


My Words Belie My Songs

by HatlessHoneybee



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angry Jaskier | Dandelion, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bitterness, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26763784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HatlessHoneybee/pseuds/HatlessHoneybee
Summary: Geralt and Jaskier reunite after the mountain, but Jaskier has still not gotten over his hurt and decides to express his feelings through sonds. Meanwhile, Geralt comes to a shocking realization.Basically 5 songs Jaskier wrote out of heartbreak and the 1 he wrote out of love and forgiveness.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 1
Kudos: 122





	My Words Belie My Songs

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really nervous cause I've never written for this fandom before. Characters might be a little OOC let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> None of the songs or characters belong to me.

He had forgiven Geralt for the mountain. Or, at least Jaskier said he had. And, really, he thought that he had. But two weeks into their renewed journey on the path and Jaskier couldn't deny the pain that gripped his heart in the most random of moments.

Geralt hadn't changed much and maybe that's why Jaskier had such a hard time. The witcher gave a half assed apology two months after the events on the mountain and was on his way, clearly expecting Jaskier to trail after him like a lost puppy. Of course, the bard did. Now though he felt moments of resentment, but he kept his mouth closed and let his feelings out in the best way he knew how.

Through song.

Jaskier had made many new songs since returning to life with Geralt and they all seemed to take on the same tone of pain and resentment. Of course, it wasn't like Geralt really noticed. He hardly said a word the first time that Jaskier had performed 'Her Sweet Kiss', so it was no surprise that when he took a break from his usual music at this particular tavern tonight that Geralt didn't even look up.

"Well, lovely ladies and gents," Jaskier pandered to the audience around him. "I'm going to give you all a taste of a new song that I have written. Never before performed, save for now to you dear people."

It only took a moment for his fingers to find the right spot on his lute and then he began strumming.

" _So I was lost, go count the cost,_  
 _Before you go to the Holland Road,_  
 _With your heart like a stone you spared no time in lashing out,_  
 _And I knew your pain and the effect of my shame, but you cut me down,_  
 _You cut me down_

_And I will not tell the thoughts of hell_  
 _That carried me home from the Holland Road_  
 _With my heart like a stone and I put up no fight_  
 _To your callus mind, and from your corner you rose to cut me down,_  
 _You cut me down_ "

Jaskier risked a look at the Witcher only to find Geralt had turned his head away from him completely, staring at something at the other end of the tavern. Jaskier felt even more frustration bubble up inside him, causing him to strum harder against his lute. The least Geralt could do was pretend to look at him while he played. As always, this song was for him, as all Jaskier's songs were. As everything Jaskier did. It was all for him.

" _So I hit my low, but little did I know that would not be the end,_  
 _From the Holland Road well I rose and I rose, and I paid less time,_  
 _To your callus mind, and I wished you well as you cut me down,_  
 _You cut me down_

_But I'll still believe though there's cracks you'll see,_  
 _When I'm on my knees I'll still believe,_  
 _And when I've hit the ground, neither lost nor found,_  
 _If you believe in me I'll still believe_ "

Jaskier bowed out, leaving an air of heartache and longing in the tavern, but he got his money none the less and perhaps the thought of past grievances would turn the patrons to drinking their sorrows away, giving more money to the inkeeper.

Jaskier cradled his lute and hopped down from the table he had stood upon, sauntering over to gracefully take his seat across from Geralt. "So, my beloved, how was my new song?"

Geralt carefully opened his mouth to speak, his eyes darting back and forth as if visually searching for words to come to him. They weren't needed, though, as Jaskier held his hands up and allowed a bitter smile to come to his face, causing something in the Witcher's heart to constrict.

"No, wait! I know this one. Like fillingless pie." Jaskier jabbed, pulling back the remark from Geralts sleep deprived and sour mood all that time ago.

Geralt floundered. "It wasn't fillingless."

In fact, Geralt listened quite intently, though he kept his gaze away. He knew there was quite a lot of filling in this song, a lot of feelings as well. They brought up such shame Geralt didn't even think that a human, let alone a Witcher, could feel so much.

A scoff left Jaskier's mouth. "Yes, thank you for the boundless compliment. I'll be heading to the room, rest my vocal cords and all that."

Without another word, Jaskier stood from his chair and left.

____________________

Contrary to what Jaskier thought, Geralt was quite aware of his half assed apology. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say, so he made it simple and prayed that Jaskier would follow. When the bard trailed after him, Geralt thought that perhaps things would work out. But it was becoming increasingly obvious that things were not going well.

Jaskier was bitter and angry, but he never outright said it. And of course, there was the ever present undercurrent of anguish that seemed to surround Jaskier like a cloud of smoke, nearly choking Geralt when the Witcher was made to notice. While Geralt could smell the pungent scent of bitterness on him, he was also made to notice through the various songs that Jaskier was introducing, all of them new.

Geralt was no fool, and even if he was, there was no missing the way that Jaskier looked at him through these new songs. Geralt did his best to look back, to face up to the things that he had done, face up to Jaskier's feelings pouring out of the bards mouth to beautiful melodies, but sometimes it was too much and he turned his head away. He was unable to face those beautiful blue eyes that always seemed to shimmer with the possibility of tears.

They were at a market for the moment and Jaskier had been dancing around the fountain, singing and generally enchanting those around him for a bit of extra coin. They didn't plan on staying in town, so it wasn't a bad idea to do a small performance and gain some pocket change. Geralt himself stood next to a stall, transfixed on his bards movements.

"Now, dear people, I have been debuting a series of new ballads and I would be truly blessed if you would be willing to hear my newest song," Jaskier was rewarded with a cheer from those who had gathered to listen to him, which was no small crowd. Even many of the venders were watching from their stalls. All enamored, Jaskier began his strumming and for his captive audience.

" _I sense there's something in the wind_  
 _That feels like tragedy's at hand_  
 _And though I'd like to stand by him_  
 _Can't shake this feeling that I have_  
 _The worst is just around the bend_

_And does he notice, my feelings for him?_  
 _And will he see, how much he means to me?_  
 _I think it's not to be..._ "

Jaskier paused to look at the Witcher and Geralt forced himself to look his friend (were they even friends anymore?). He watched Jaskier somber his dancing to gentle swaying, the way the crowd looked at him with simpering pouts, no doubt feeling the heartbreak of the bard as Geralt himself could even feel.

" _What will become of my dear friend?_  
 _Where will his actions lead us then?_  
 _Although I'd like to join the crowd_  
 _In their enthusiastic cloud_  
 _Try as I may it doesn't last_

_And will we ever_  
 _End up together?_  
 _No, I think not_  
 _It's never to become_  
 _For I am not... the one_ "

Jaskier closed his eyes at that moment, finishing his song with a hitch in his breath. Geralt swore he felt his hear ache. In the long run, he wasn't really sure if it was in that specific moment or sometime before that he realized Jaskier's feelings towards him were not strictly friendly, but it was indeed that moment that it was brough to the forefront of his mind that perhaps, Jaskier was not completely alone in his affections, and that was a thought that require more pondering.

___________________

Geralt was being quiet, even by his usual standards. Jaskier wasn't sure exactly what it was that had caused Geralt to become mute completely, only that it had happened after they left that little market in the town three days ago. Honestly, it made Jaskier feel just a bit sorry for the Witcher and thus he tried to start conversations in his usual jovial tune, but for the most part it fell flat.

Then came the anger. Jaskier had repeatedly asked what was wrong and when nothing came of it, he found himself sitting on the far end of the camp they had made in the forest. His fingers strummed softly at his lute in a nonsense tune before he finally decided on a song to play. He figured if Geralt was going to be silent then Jaskier was free to fill the silence up anyway he wanted.

" _I was on a heavy trip_  
 _Tryna cross a canyon with a broken limb_  
 _You were on the other side_  
 _Like always, wondering what to do with life_  
 _I'd already had a sip_  
 _So I'd reasoned I was drunk enough to deal with it_  
 _You were on the other side_  
 _Like always, you could never make your mind_

_And with one kiss_  
 _You inspired a fire of devotion_  
 _That lasts for twenty years_  
 _What kind of man loves like this_?"

It was that moment that Geralt raised his head, eyes focused on Jaskier and heart clenching in that funny way that he had spent these previous days silently pondering. Jaskier, of course, was to preoccupied with staring at his lute as he sang to notice Geralt's interest.

" _To let me dangle at a cruel angle_  
 _Oh my feet don't touch the floor_  
 _Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out_  
 _But you never close the door_

_What kind of man loves like this?_  
 _What kind of man?_ "

Jaskier's fingers picket up speed and the tone went from somber to more passionate, almost as if he was yelling rather than singing, but there was still beauty to it.

" _You're a holy fool all colored blue_  
 _Red feet upon the floor_  
 _You do such damage, how do you manage_  
 _To have me crawling back for more?_ "

His eyes were closed now, strumming furiously, his voice echoing in the forest.

" _But I can't beat you_  
 _Cause I'm still with you_  
 _"Oh mercy", I implore_  
 _"Oh mercy", I implore_  
 _How do you do it? I think I'm through it_  
 _Then I'm back against the wall_  
 _Back, back, back against the wall_

_What kind of man loves like this?_  
 _What kind of man?_  
 _What kind of man loves like this?_  
 _What kind of man?_ "

It ended almost abruptly and Jaskier seemed out of breath, dropping his head down and clutching his lute tightly.

"That another new one?" Geralt spoke a real sentence for the first time in three days.

It actually startled Jaskier into look up and over at the Witcher. Of course, he quickly corrected himself and turned his nose up in the air, the way he always mockingly did when he pretended to be offended by whatever Geralt had said.

"It is, indeed. I'm surprised you notice."

"I always notice," Geralt assured him. More silence. "These ones are different from you usual tunes. They seem more...personal."

Jaskier took a moment to actually look at Geralt, his voice softening. "They are. They're more from the heart, I suppose. I mean, I always sing from the heart but these are a little more about myself rather than songs of your successes."

"You should do that more," Jaskier looked inquisitively at Geralt. "Sing about yourself, I mean. You're...songworthy, too."

Jaskier swallowed deeply and began putting his lute away. "Well, that's enough for me. I think I'll go to bed. Goodnight, Geralt."

____________________

Geralt swore he would never accompany Jaskier to another banquet again and yet here they were, Geralt playing bodyguard while Jaskier sang and dance for some Count whose name Geralt couldn't be bothered to remember.

Most of the night had gone off without a hitch, Jaskier was singing his little heart out and had the crowd practically eating out of his palms. Honestly, it did Geralt proud. In these recent days he tried his best to come to terms with these new feelings and perhaps it was okay for him to take pride in and be able to say that he found Jaskier truly and perfectly beautiful like this.

"My Lords, My ladies," Jaskier addressed the guests. "I know you have invited me to hear the songs of the legendery White Wolf, but I would be honored if you would allow me to play a new song tonight. I feel there is no better place to do it then in your presence."

Sweet talker, Geralt thought as the crowd gave murmurs of consent.

" _Think what you want about me_  
 _About me_  
 _Tell me something I don't know_  
 _Tell me something that is real_  
 _'Cause I'm tired of hearing all your endless tales_  
 _Something's changed, I don't know why_  
 _Was it me or was it you?_  
 _So you're drawing me right in_  
 _Now I have no choice_

_You tell me "come along"_  
 _Next thing I know something's wrong_  
 _You tell me "come along"_  
 _But now we're undone_ "

Geralt frowned at the song, but continued to gaze at Jaskier as he flounced around the court, singing his soft song.

" _I have nothing left to say_  
 _Far too many words were said_  
 _So I leave you cold, I thought_  
 _This was for life_

_You tell me "come along"_   
_Next thing I know something's wrong_   
_You tell me "come along"_   
_But now we're undone_

_I can't help myself_  
 _It's just all that fear_  
 _I can't help myself_  
 _When you are nea_ r"

Jaskier knew he couldn't leave them with a somber love song, it would ruin the tone of the party. So he allowed a moment for them to soak up his music, probably not even really appreciating the meaning behind it, as nobility rarely did. It was only a moment letter that he kicked back into a jaunty tune and had the crowd laughing and dancing again.

Unbeknownst to him, the Witcher stood in the shadows, still pondering the song.

___________________

It was a tavern this time, and Jaskier had drank just enough to find the liquid courage to end the night with a song that he had caught in his chest for weeks now. He slowed down his strumming and waited for the crowd to settle before he turned onto something with more weight.

" _I am not the only traveler_  
 _Who has not repaid his debt_  
 _I've been searching for a trail to follow again_  
 _Take me back to the night we met_

_And then I can tell myself_  
 _What the hell I'm supposed to do_  
 _And then I can tell myself_  
 _Not to ride along with you_ "

It seemed cathartic, to sing about his worst thoughts at night. Those nights where he silently cried and wished that he could go back and yell at his younger self not to fall in love, not to chase after the beautiful Witcher. But, in truth, it would be futile. Jaskier knew himself to enough to know that if he had the gift of foresight, he would do it all again, even if it meant having his heart broken on mountain. But sometimes, he needed to let things out.

" _I had all and then most of you_  
 _Some and now none of you_  
 _Take me back to the night we met_  
 _I don't know what I'm supposed to do_  
 _Haunted by the ghost of you_  
 _Take me back to the night we met_

_When the night was full of terrors_  
 _And your eyes were filled with tears_  
 _When you had not touched me yet_  
 _Oh, take me back to the night we me_ t"

His song had barely ended when there was a slam of chairs and abrupt movement in the corner. Jaskier looked up just quick enough to see Geralt storm up the stairs, a cloud of anger surrounding him like flies around a corpse.

Jaskier sighed to himself, then bowed out, grabbing his coin and making his way up to the room he shared with Geralt. "Are you mad? Or do you just enjoy ruining the end of my performances? And you call me dramatic."

"Did you mean it?" Geralt asked, his tone dark.

"Mean what?"

"That you wished we had never met?"

Jaskier scoffed. "Now you finally choose to listen to my songs."

"I always listen, Jaskier," Geralt barked, turning to face the bard. There was a look of pain on his face that Jaskier had never seen. "Now tell me, did you mean it?"

For the first time in as long as he could remember, Jaskier floundered for words. "I suppose that there are frustrating moment when I do wish that I was set up in some court, not having to worry about sorceresses and Witchers. And perhaps I've had that thought more often than usual, but really, Geralt what did you expect? You say those awful things to me on the mountain, then you come back with some half-assed apology and expect everything to be okay!"

"I don't-"

"Don't what, Geralt?"

"I don't know how," Geralt huffed, looking down at the floor. 

"How to what?" Jaskier pressed, an air of confusion around him.

"I don't know how to say...the things that I..." Geralt growled and stomped forward, grasping Jaskier by the shoulders, his voice raised. "If life could give me one blessing it would be to give me the ability to make you understand how much I need you! How much I care for you and value you! How much...how much I...love you."

Jaskier gaped, eyes wide and hands coming up to grasp at Geralt's shirt. "You what?"

"I love you, Jaskier," Geralt moved in further, pressing his forehead against Jaskiers, his eyes closed. "With Yennefer the djinn made everything just happen, made the feelings happen and forced us to act on them. With you, it's so real and unlike anything I've ever known. It was so strange I didn't know what to do. On that mountain, I simply knew the mistake I had made. I hadn't realized my feelings and I was so angry and you were right there but you didn't deserve it. None of it was true. You're not a burden, Jaskier, you're the thing that makes it all okay. I'm sorry that it took me forever to realize it and I'm sorry you've suffered this long under my shitty apology and that you didn't think you could say anything to me directly about it. But I've been listening."

"Huh?" Jaskier looked up at Geralt, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"You're new songs, all of them. I've listened to every single one and I've listened to what you felt and my heart ached for you. Because it was my fault you hurt and my fault that you've hurt for so long as you have. But I would take it all away. I would do anything that you need if you would just stay with me because I love you, Jaskier. And the Path is only manageable with you beside me."

At this point Geralt had dropped to his knees, face pressed into Jaskier's soft belly and arms clenched around his waist. Suddenly, a hand dropped down into his white locks. "Oh you silly, silly man. If a horrible apology and equally horrible communication hasn't torn us apart by now I doubt anything will. Do you truly love me?"

"With everything I have," was Geralts immediate response, his words muffled against Jaskier's doublet.

"Up you get then," Jaskier nudged Geralt into a standing position, taking the Witcher's face in his hands. "You're communication skills are truly appaling, dear Witcher. Don't worry though, there's plenty of time for us to work on it, as I will not be leaving unless you truly want me to."

"I would never," Geralt assured.

"Then there's nothing more to it. Except perhaps this," Jaskier leaned forward and pressed his lips to Geralts. There was no electricity, no fireworks or great things to compare it to. Instead, it was like coming home. Like a warmth had finally settled into his chest and he had never felt as safe as he did in Geralt's arms. "I love you, too, you oaf."

___________________

Kaer Morhan was a sight to behold, but after Jaskier had been here for a week, he felt himself settling in nicely. The winter outside was cold but Gerlt made sure there were enough furs in their bed to keep Jaskier toasty against winter's bite. Of course, cuddling with a human bonfire certainly helped.

"Jaskier," Eskel shouted over the arguing of Geralt and Lambert. They were all currently seated in a lounging area. Geralt and Lambert were locked in a heated game of gwent while Vesemir was reading in an armchair. Jaskier rested in front of the fireplace, tuning his lute and Eskel was lounging on the floor eating a meat pie. "When are you going to sing for us?"

Lambert took a break from glaring at Geralt to join the conversation. "Yes, when? You've been here a week and we haven't hear one song from you."

"Well, if you're all so interested, there is a new song I have written," Jaskier smiled softly. "At the request of Geralt I've taken some time to write about myself and I rather like how it turned out. Might as well debut it here with all of you, if you're so inclined."

Everyone, even Vesamir, voiced their approval. Jaskier finished tuning his lute and then began to strum, his eyes tracing over to Geralt and never once leaving.

" _There was a boy_  
 _A very strange enchanted boy_  
 _They say he wandered very far, very far_  
 _Over land and sea_  
 _A little shy and sad of eye_  
 _But very wise was he_

_And then one day_  
 _A lucky day he passed my way_  
 _Then we spoke of many things:_  
 _Fools and kings_  
 _Then he said to me_  
 _"The greatest thing you'll ever learn_  
 _Is to love and be loved in return_ "

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you guys enjoyed it, let me know what you all think. Constructive feedback is welcome and appreciated.
> 
> Here's a list of the songs in order that they appear
> 
> Holland Road by Mumford and Sons  
> Sally's Song from A nightmare before Christmas  
> What kind of Man by Florence + The Machine  
> All That Fear by Lucy Rose  
> The Night We Met by Lord Huron  
> Nature Boy by AURORA


End file.
